


making a fool out of myself (for you)

by Dark__blue, pan_and_ready_to_stan (Dark__blue)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Attempt at Humor, Bad Puns, Clowns, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Humor, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Minor Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Multi, Mutual Pining, No horror clowns tho, mainly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-02-22 12:27:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22649941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dark__blue/pseuds/Dark__blue, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dark__blue/pseuds/pan_and_ready_to_stan
Summary: When Remus assisted the clown Moody as a summer job, he didn't expect to ever do it himself.When Sirius gave his first performance as a clown, he hadn't expected to like it so much.Years later they're still best friends, but neither of them knows the other is a professional clown too, let alone their biggest rival in the party circuit. What secrets will come out when they're "accidentally" double-booked for Harry Potter's birthday party?
Relationships: Regulus Black/James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 36
Kudos: 67
Collections: Remus Lupin Fest 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay this: "Sirius and Remus have been friends for years. However, unbeknownst to the other, both of them have a secret life working as a clown. Over the years, Remus and Sirius have competed against each other in the clown/birthday party circuit, becoming actual clown enemies of each other without knowing their true identities. Until now, that is". It just DEMANDED a funny fic, and well... I tried.
> 
> The first part of suddenly got a bit sirius though, but after that it'll get lighter!
> 
> (to everyone who thinks this looks familiar, I decided to re-upload this chaptered, and have made some minor edits, because I feel like the story flows better now)

Remus Lupin was not rich. Neither was his family. That was why he had to do this, he reminded himself, raising his hand to knock on the door.

He had been in a car accident, once, when he had been really young, and he knew that took quite the toll on his parents. He had seen the photos of before. His father, already with wrinkles, but this time most of them were from smiling. His mother, her hair loose, and so, so very carefree. Himself, but not a self he recognized, a self without scars and with young eyes. All so happy

And of course they hadn't been very rich then either, but they had had more than enough, hadn't they? His parents hadn't yet spend all their money and happiness on some stupid sick boy.

The photos of before weren't the only ones he'd seen. He'd seen the pictures of during too, although they were few and far between, something he understood. (Hospitals don't make the best backgrounds)

Remus was pretty sure one photo had captured the exact moment Hope Lupin got her ever-present "Are you okay, Remus?" look. (They had just heard his wounds had gotten infected) He had spent quite some time looking at that photo. Whenever he felt bad and closed his eyes it was on the back of his eyelids, so that he could feel even worse.

He sometimes wondered why someone would take a picture of something like that. Why would anyone want to remember the way his parents had sat next to his bed, both holding on to one of his hands like _they_ were the ones that needed to be saved? Why would anyone want to remember that you couldn't even see their faces in that moment, because they were looking down with grief? Why would anyone want to remember that somehow, not being able to see their faces hurt worse?

He'd asked his parents, once. They had answered, in a way that was happy and sad and not at all lighthearted, although not for lack of trying, "We realized we didn't have enough pictures of you."

He loved his parents, he really, really did. So this summer, now that he was back from Hogwarts, he'd work and help out a little. And, seeing as the bookstore he usually helped out in the summer wouldn't have him, he knocked on the door.

He didn't knock with too much force though, it didn't look very sturdy. The paint was starting to come off, and there was an old, faded flyer on it.

The flyer had probably once been full of bright colours, but now it seemed as dull as everything else there, with only the words " _Mad-Eye Moody, THE clown to get you in a better mood_!" setting it apart.

It was only when Remus heard weird-sounding footsteps coming his way that he realized he was standing in a shady neighbourhood, standing before a shady door, in reply to a very shady ad. (Was it too late too turn around?)

The door opened.

"Who are you?"

Remus hesitated for a moment. The face that had emerged wasn't what he'd expected. It was full of scars, and was that a _fak_ _e eye?_

His dad had once told him that his scars weren't ugly, and that it was all about what lay beneath, but Remus didn't think it was possible to see what skin lay beneath when someone had this much scars. (Although his dad had probably been talking about some more metaphorical "beneath")

James and Sirius would probably be fascinated by them, and ask Moody all about them (that was what they'd done with Remus' scars, at least). Remus himself... realized he'd been staring without answering the question.

"My name is Remus Lupin, sir. I'm here because of the ad you posted."

Miraculously he managed to not make the last part sound like a question, lest it became apparent that he sincerely doubted that this man was a clown.

"Come in", Moody said brusquely, and turned around, not even waiting for something like an answer. Remus followed him. (He had this habit of following questionable people, as proved by his choice of friends)

Remus finally figured out why the footsteps had sounded unusual when a wooden leg cought his eye. The leg stopped walking through the hallway, and Moody got out his keys to open the lock of a door that seemed to lead to a living room.

There was a sofa in the room, and a big chair, both covered in books, pens, mugs and flards of paper. He caught sight of one paper with the headline, in bolt letters: **B. CROUCH STILL ON THE RUN. HOW COULD IT EVER COME THIS FAR?**. The floor was just as messy, but Moody walked in confidently, narrowly avoiding a lego block that really had no reason to be there.

And Remus, still baffled by the fact that someone would put a lock on their _living room,_ relocated some of the mess, and sat down.

"So", Remus said, "You need an assistant?"

Those were the wrong words entirely, because Moody's eyes flickered to his lighning fast, old scars catching the light in new ways, and said: "I don't _need_ anything."

And Remus, as opposed to this guy, _did_ need something. A job. So he used the voice that he usually reserved for when James and Sirius were fighting, to say: "Of course not. But it might be nice to have someone to..." (and Remus remembered the locks on all the doors, the thorough glare that had been thrown at him and the baseball bat that was strategically placed next to the door) "watch your back, no?"

Moody threw his head back and laughed, one Ha! as sharp and sudden as this whole encounter had been. "Another back to watch, more like. I don't trust you, kid. Don't take it personal, I don't trust anyone. You should too."

Remus had to bite his tongue to hold back the : "Then I shouldn't trust this advice either". Instead he said: "If you say so."

"I do. But I could use an assistant. You'd just have to plan my appointments, maybe clean stuff up a bit, and help if I need it."

"So I won't ever have to be a clown myself?" Remus tone was probably a bit too relieved to use in front of someone who was, in fact, a clown, but Moody didn't seem to mind.

Another one of those sudden laughs. "Of course not, that would be ridiculous!"

* * *

_This is ridiculous,_ Remus thinks, applying the make-up on himself for a change.

Mad-Eye watches him like it's his first time putting it on (and, of course, technically speaken it's the first time he puts it on _himself_ , but still). Unlike the first time Moody says, in a low and strangely unguarded manner for such a guarded man: "Good stuff huh? Hides the, the scars."

(Remus thinks it's impossible to see all Mad-Eye's scars without seeing some things he definitely doesn't want to see, but somehow he feels like he has seen some more of them, now)

"CONSTANT VIGILANCE", Moody shouted then, as if even that tiny bit of vulnerability had been too much, but Remus had gotten so used to that habit over the weeks that he didn't even waver.

"Kid."

"Yeah?"

"You're applying _my_ make-up."

"No I'm not. I didn't know _both_ of your eyes were fake."

"Spare me he sass boy, you know what I mean."

A silence fell.

"I do not, actually."

Mad-Eye sighed. "You are applying it in the same way you do mine. And unless you have a fake eye, and need to draw attention to that as a part of your act, I would do it differently."

"How then?"

Mad-Eye shrugged. "How should I know? I just used a nickname."

A nickname. Remus had one of those, but wouldn't a moon be a little too obvious? Although, he wasn't planning on ever letting his friends see him as a clown.

He started drawing a moon on one of his cheeks, and then, deciding to indulge himself, drew a few stars on the other one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

"And don't forget to write us!"

"C'mon dad, have I ever?" Remus replied to his dad over his moms shoulder.

His mom released him a little bit, just to grasp his arms, look him in the eyes and say: "You should know better than to ask that. I'm pretty sure he has written down every time you didn't write for longer then a week. He wouldn't remember otherwise, that old man."

His father, who was the same age as his mother, turned to where they were hugging. "Excuse me? I have an excellent memory."

"Sure you do, dear." Hope answered, winking at Remus.

Remus went to hug his dad. "I'll write every week", he promised.

"Oh", his mom said, "you don't have to. We are looking forward to having the house for us alone. Finally the books will stay were they belong, we won't have to clean as much, and I'll finally be able to eat my own cookies."

"Yeah", Remus said, "I'll miss... the cookies."

"We'll miss you, too", Lyall said.

"Speak for yourself. Remus, dear, aren't those your friends?"

Remus looked in the direction that his mom pointed to. One thing that came with having a crush on someone for a long time was that you could pick them easily out of a crowd, so he immediately spotted Sirius.

"Yeah, they are."

Then, after two last hugs, Remus walked away to his other family.

"Moony!" Sirius said, with a smile as bright as the star he was named after.

And it was funny, but Remus had once believed that Sirius was "too much". He wasn't, of course. He was so incredibly not enough it hurt. 

It was not enough when Sirius hugged him, it was not enough when Sirius smiled at him, it was not enough when Sirius dramatically said: "Oh, my love, finally you've come to save me from this brute!"

But, still, it was more than he deserved.

James almost completely ignored Sirius. "Remus, how was your summer? Are you still working in your own personal heaven?"

"I had fun, how was yours?"

And while James started to talk about all the things that had happened to him this summer, Remus wondered if maybe he should tell them both about his current job. He decided not to. They would probably just treat him as a charity case again.

The only reason they hadn't bothered him about his job at the bookstore was because they thought it was "his own personal heaven" as James had put it, although they'd still replace his pencils and re-fill his chocolate stack, but Remus didn't mind that as much, because they did the same thing for Peter.

"-and Lily send a letter back! It exploded in my face, but still!

"That's amazing, Prongs."

"I know right? Sirius kept saying that it doesn't count, but she must have spend a lot of time on it! Or maybe not, she's very smart. Either way she spend time on me!"

"She spend time on _rejecting_ you."

"Oh please, you're just jealous."

Remus steered the conversation to another topic, because while he had his fair share of self-destructive tendencies, he didn't think he could handle hearing about Sirius crushes. "And did you make any progress with Regulus?"

While they were walking to the train, Remus noticed that Sirius seemed distracted. Normally he would immediately join the conversation, now even more than usual, because Sirius still wasn't aware that James liked Regulus.

But right now Sirius seemed lost in his head. It had been that way ever since James made the comment about him being jealous.

Remus feared what that meant. If one crush had this effect on Sirius, then it had to be a big one. Remus honestly couldn't remember the last time Sirius had talked about having a crush, and he'd hoped it would stay that way.

"And it's ridiculous, because it's not like I'm making any real progress with either of them, but somehow, every time when I try to flirt with one of them, it feels like I'm cheating on the other.

"Well", Remus said carefully, "You never know, maybe they would be okay with a poly relationship."

And James said, hopefully (always so hopeful, that one) "What's that?"

"A relationship with more than two people."

James sighed, "That's the dream."

Sirius finally seemed to shake himself from whatever thoughts he had. "Wait, you were talking about Regulus?. My little sibling Regulus?

"No, we were talking about another Regulus. But I get the confusion, it's _such_ a common name." Remus deadpanned.

"Shut up. James, when did this happen?"

"Well, remember that my parents wanted Regulus to stay with us, too?"

Sirius nodded. He had spend this summer at with James' family, and Remus was pretty sure the Potters wanted to adopt him. (Sirius biological parents were... far from perfect)

"They thought it might help if I talked to him. So I did, and they're just so funny, and smart, and they've got these dimples-"

"I do not need any more information, thank you very much."

The air in their compartment suddenly got a tad heavier. Sirius spoke up again.

"Did it- did it work?"

"You know I would've told you if it did."

"Yeah." None of them spoke up again. They were completely silent. It worried Remus. James and Sirius were never silent. There was always at the very least one leg pumping, or a hand fiddling, or someone touching his hair.

Luckily Peter bursted in then, without ever stopping to notice the atmosphere in the room.

"Guys, why didn't you wait for me? I had almost missed the train looking for you! I looked like an idiot out there."

"Oh, please, you looking like an idiot is not our foult, and not really something out of the ordinary either." Sirius said.

And here's the thing: Sirius didn't mean it. He never did. It was never a problem when he did this with James, or with Remus, because James would just shrug it off, and Remus liked to practise his witty comebacks. Peter however, always took it to heart.

Peter never spoke up about it though, never aired his hurt. He just let all these little comments pile up, and Remus sometimes wondered what would happen when he'd reached his limit.

But luckily Peters appearance had cleared the air. The rest of the ride to Hogwarts went on without a hitch (Apart from the time they tied James down so that he couldn't visit Lily and Regulus.)


	3. Chapter 3

"Oh, you're back"

"Good to see you too, Mad-Eye. No, I have missed you even _more."_ Remus responded in an overtly happy voice.

"Not like that's possible." It was said softly, and more towards the hallway then towards Remus, but Remus still caught it.

And while staring at Mad-Eye's back as it retreated into the house, Remus wondered. It sometimes felt like being neat Mad-Eye was like walking in a minefield, the land barren and scarred, but right now Remus felt like he had tried so hard to avoid the mines that he hadn't noticed the hole in the ground until it was too late.

He followed Mad-Eye into the house.

* * *

"Why aren't you clowning on your own?"

"Well, you said I needed to move these chairs, but if you've changed your mind... Also, clowning isn't a word" 

"Actually", Moody replied, "It is. It means "To behave in a comical way", for example: Remus clowned around, pretending clowning wasn't a real word."

Remus once again proved he had deserved his excellent grades for his essays when he said, very eloquently, "What."

"I have had this discussion before."

"Even _if_ clowning is a real word, you used it wrong."

"Why do _I_ have to be the one with the smart-ass student?"

"You know I'm right", Remus grinned, "You were talking about me being an independent clown, right? Not about me "behaving comically"."

Mad-Eye raised an eyebrow. "Not answering my question, I see."

"Not admitting I was right, I see"

"Kid. Why are you still working here?"

Remus put down the chair he had been holding. "You know, if you don't want me here you can just fire me."

"That's not what I meant." Mad-Eye sighed "You'd earn more on your own. You're doing this for the money, so it seems the most logical thing to do"

"It _is_ the most logical thing to do, I'm just not able to do it. I can barely give one perfomance, let alone schedule everything, and I'm sure there are still a lot of things I'd need to do besides that."

"I could teach you."

"I don't take charity."

"See it as a graduation gift."

Remus looked at Mad-Eye. He _seemed_ sincere.

"Fine. But you know I haven't graduated yet, right? Can't you better do it _after_ I have? I'll still be here."

"No, you won't"

Remus decided to sit down (there were more than enough chairs), "I won't?"

"You'll want to stay with those friends of yours." There was a teasing glint in Mad-Eye's remaining eye, suddenly making it very obvious which one of his eyes was alive, "especially that one guy... Sirius Black, wasn't it? 

Remus had learned a lot in his time with Mad-Eye, and one of them was a failproof way of getting out of awkward situations.

"CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" He quickly left the room, leaving a surprised and laughing mentor behind.

* * *

Sirius was bored. At this point he would even rather listen to James talking about Lily or Regulus (and that was saying something), but James was busy working on a stategy or something, and Remus was out studying with Peter, so he didn't even have something pretty to look at.

He realized he still hadn't unfollowed all of his ex-families social media after he'd left, but at this point it was getting really irritating to constantly see their faces pop up everywhere, so he decided to just do that now. There was already a lot of fuss about Narcissa and Lucius' wedding.

He scoffed at the mention that they "had found love". This "love" was about as real as his dads hair. 

One thing about the post got his attention though. Apparently there would be a clown show. He clicked on the link to the clown company, he was pretty sure they had been on one of his birthday parties.

And there, beneath the letters: _Notts clowns, our clowns are nuts! (in a good way)_ there was a notice. 

_"It is with great sadness that we have to inform you that our business will stop in three months. We have looked into all our options, and unfortunately this is the only way. If you have booked us more than three months in advance, please contact us._

Sirius went back to the original post. The wedding was in four months. It seemed like his family still wasn't aware that the clown show would have to be canceled. 

A grin slowly took over his face, as a plan took over his brain. This would maybe be his best prank to date, there was even a slight possibility of it being on Remus-level. (It hit all the marks: it would be (sort of) harmless, almost impossible to link back to him (if he played his cards right), and very, very funny)

He turned to where James was working. "My dear brother, my best friend, light of my life, my platonic soulma-"

James threaded a hand through his hair and looked up. "What do you want? You know I'd let you help if this was a prank, but this is important! It's against Regulus and-"

"And Lily has said that she'd watch, I know. I just want your opinion on something. Do you think I'd make a good clown?

"A great one. You can do anything you put your mind to!"

"James, I realize that you're trying to get into "sport-modus", but I don't really need a pep-talk. Do you think I could learn to be one in four months?"

James, bless him, actually thought about the question for a bit this time. "Well, maybe not a full-blown one, but if you only need to learn one routine..."

"How did you know I only needed to learn one?"

"Dude, you _just_ called me your platonic soulmate, that comes with telepathy, how else do you think I knew?

Sirius laughed. "Fair enough. Please don't tell anyone about his though."

"Not even Remus or Peter? They're our friends, and you know Peter can keep a secret."

"I know, but...", Sirius rubbed the back of his neck, "I just don't want anyone to know, and you know that Remus doesn't like it when I spend time on anything that has to do with my family."

James didn't even question the fact that it had to do with his family (maybe he really was a telepath after all), and said instead: "He has a point, though. You left them for a reason."

"I'll be fine"

* * *

It was _exhilarating._ Here he was, at a wedding he was _invited_ to, but would immediately get kicked out of when someone would see his face.

He wanted to tell Remus about this. He always wanted to tell Remus everything lately, but could you blame him? Who wouldn't want to see his face whenever Sirius got to a particularly good part of the story, and he smiled in that particular way that showed his canines? Who wouldn't want to hear him laugh at all Sirius' stupid shit, when that laugh was like honey to a raw throat?

He wanted to tell Remus how he'd spend hours on his make-up to make sure he wasn't recognizable, and how it worked! People who normally despised him smiled and were polite (although they still looked down on him). Even his own mother was nice.

She was actually the one who approached him. "Hello, so nice that you could come on such a short notice"

She smiled, but Sirius had known her long enough to see how fake it was.

He deepened his voice a bit, although he doubted that she would recognize him. He knew that when his mother had burned him from the tapestry, she had burned him from her mind. His mother was nice like that.

He didn't mind. The tapestry had always been an ugly thing (in his opinion), with their family tree on it, and he liked that he was nor a part of the real family tree, nor of the embroidered one.

"Happy to be here. I must say, that's a lovely bracelet you got there."

(Sirius knew she hated the bracelet with every fiber of her being, but it had been a gift of the bride, so Walburga _had_ to wear it.) 

His mothers smile became even more fake, and she gripped the cheap pieces of glass with white knuckles. "Thank you."

After that she quickly led him to his stage, and told him when it was his turn.

He touched up his make-up a bit, and walked off to spike the punch.

* * *

Sirius ran to the car as fast as he could, with a crowd close behind. He was lucky that they thought themselves above running, because otherwise he mightn't have made it.

As soon as he got within reach James opened the door, Sirius jumped in, fastened his seatbelt, and they drove off.

Only then did Sirius heartbeat slow a bit.

"How did it go?" James asked enthusiastically, an enormous smile on his face.

"Amazing. They didn't suspect anything, and you should've seen their faces when I got out the fake poop and said it's name was Lucius."

"You really did that? Holy shit. How did they react?"

"The little kids _loved_ it, and me too."

James nodded. "You _do_ love to be the center of attention."

"The rest of them liked it a little bit less, although I could swear that I saw Narcissa laugh at the poop joke. They only really went mad when I revealed who I was." Sirius smiled, thinking back on the shocked faces and the shrieks of his mother. "It was glorious."

"You seem.. really happy. Do you think you want to do this again? The clown work I mean, not the pranking."

"I think I do", Sirius realized it was true as soon as he said it.

"Good to know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just saying, kudos clear my skin and water my crops.
> 
> I also hope that y'all caught the irony in this because I like to make you guys suffer <3


	4. Chapter 4

Remus was pretty content with his current life. He was a substitute teacher, which meant his hours were pretty irregular, but it also meant he had more time for his other job. He was, so to speak, a part-time clown. Which had been going well. Until now.

"He stole one of our clients _again_?"

Marlene, the amazing person who'd decided to schedule his appointments after a drunken rant in a pub, answered: "A possible client. But yes, he did."

"Frick." (Being around children all day had really changed his choice of curse words)

"It's not that bad. You know what, I'll just go there, try to figure out their schedule, get to know my enemy."

Remus smiled. Marlene was so obvious."You just want an excuse to talk to Dorcas.""

Dorcas was the one who made all of "Star-Clowns"(or whatever he was called) appointments. Marlene had a massive crush on her.

"I do not." Marlene said, with just too much of a blush for it to be true.

"You do, you lesbian disaster."

"You're one to talk."

Remus raised an eyebrow. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

Marlene waved one well-manicured hand. "Oh please, you're such a bisexual disaster for that Sirius Black. The last time he flirted with you you dropped your coffee, then tried to pick the coffee up instead of your mug, and then proceeded to hit your head on the table."

"He wasn't flirting with me!" Sirius really hadn't been, had he?

"Really? That's what you want to focus on here?"

"Well", Remus said, "I can also just remind you of all the times you messed up in front of Dorcas, if you'd rather have that."

"No, thanks. I remember those. Vividly."

"Who did he steal, anyway?"

"That old cat-lady, ms. Figg."

"Well, I wasn't really looking forward to that one, her house smelled like you wouldn't believe."

"Oh I believe you, I was there, remember?"

"Right. And it's not like he's our only concurrent, there's also that Bobo clown."

"Still, it's unfair", Marlene caught sight of the freshly printed flyers on his desk ("Clown Moony, you'll be over the moon with us!"), "You know what we should do?"

"What?"

She pointed at the flyers. "We should just take those, and put them all over their affiches. That'll show them!"

"Marlene, that would be a terribly childish and immature thing to do."

He picked up the flyers.

"Lets go."

* * *

Sirius knew he didn't need the money, and that it was unreasonable for him to be so mad about a rivaling clown. He knew this. So why did Dorcas keep repeating it?

"Because you still haven't stopped pouting", was her curt answer.

"But they declared us war!"

Dorcas raised an eyebrow (it was really not fair. Sirius couldn't do it, but she and Remus seemed to enjoy doing it way more than necessary, just to torture him). "They put up some flyers."

"Over our flyers!"

Dorcas pinched the bridge of her nose. "No."

"What no?"

"No to whatever crazy revenge plan you've thought up."

Sirius grumbled. What was "crazy" about wanting to draw moustaches all over the new flyers?

"You'll just have to beat him the old-fashioned way."

He sat up a little bit straighter (his posture was the only straight thing that was left from his time with his former parents). "And what way is that?"

"Work harder and be better than him."

"You know, for a moment I actually hoped you would just let me prank him."

Dorcas laughed. "No."

* * *

"We managed to get ms. Figg back!"

"Yes!"

Remus, who was planning on continuing his work after that, suddenly felt a chill running up his spine. "Wait. Was she the one with the cabbage smell and the cats?"

Marlene smiled like the devil she was turning out to be. "Yes, she is."

"Then why did you sound so happy about it?" He rolled his chair back a few inches, purely for the dramatic effect, but he didn't get very far. Their "office" (Remus' kitchen) wasn't very big. "

"Because we stole her from that Stellar clown, obviously."

"Oh, That was his name! What do we have to do?"

"Just a small show, about half an hour, seven to eight kids."

"That isn't too bad," he admitted, "it's even better because we stole it from that star clown."

"Stellar clown"

"That's what I said."

"Well, that was the good news", she said, popping her bubblegum, "now for the bad news:"

"Why does there have to be bad news?" he asked with his face turned to the sky (he might have taken over a few dramatic habits from Sirius and James)

"There, there, it's a cruel world." She reached over the counter to pat his shoulder. "Anyway, he got the Weasleys."

"No! All of them?"

She nodded gravely. "All of them."

"Chips."

"You really expect me to empathize with you while you're spitting out those curses?"

"Well, I could hardly walk in the class with a "What's up, motherfuckers" now, could I?"

She laughed. "Fair enough. I've got some more good news though."

"Oh?"

"There's someone named Potter looking for a clown!"

Remus almost choked on his coffee. "Potter, you say?"

"Yeah, why? Do you know him?

"I do."

"Oh. Well, you invented the silent routine for cases like this, didn't you?"

"I did." He did. Mad-Eye had told him that it could be very useful at times, especially when performing for people Remus knew, but it always made him feel like he was a mime instead of a clown.

At least he wouldn't have to worry about Sirius being there, because he knew the Potters always seperated the party with the kids, and the party where the adults came over.

And even if Lily, Regulus and James found out, they'd probably be okay with it, right?

"So... I can sign us up for it?"

"Of course, we'll need it to stay ahead."

* * *

"James, please." It came out a bit more desperate than Sirius had intended, but this was the perfect chance! Sure, at first he was hurt that James'd chosen another clown, but Sirius had asked him to protect his identity. James was just trying to do that.

"No. What would Harry even do with two clowns?"

Lily, who walked through the room at that exact moment to decorate everything with the balloons, said: "Two clowns? You spoil him too much."

"Well, to be fair," Regulus added, taking over some of Lily's balloons, "we did say that he could go all out this time."

"See!", Sirius waved at them both, "Your spouses are okay with it! Pretty please?"

James threw his hands into the air. "Fine! but you'll have to tell me what you're going to do, I don't want any more traumatized kids."

"That was one time! And I'd just prank him a little, nothing too harmful."

While James and Sirius were bickering, Regulus nudged Lily. "Are you sure we are the married couple here?"

Lily's eyes twinkled as she laughed. "They're a package deal. Do you think that they are still convinced that we don't know Sirius is a clown?"

"Well", they answered, "They are far from subtle. Do you know what it's about this time?"

"Pretty sure Sirius wants to crash our party to spite his "clown-rival"."

"And they still haven't figured out that it's Remus? He's called his clownsona Moony, for fuck's sake!"

She sighed. "I think they only have one shared braincell, and it died around their second year."

"Probably."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so,, it begins,,, the clown drama is finally here! (after three chapters whoops)
> 
> Kudo's and comments are appreciated!


	5. Chapter 5

Remus had been juggling, but he spontaneously dropped all of the balls when another clown came in. 

And what for a clown. It was the Stellar Clown, his life-long rival. His arch nemesis. 

Remus was, in fact, as opposed to this clown, a proffesional. So he fell as dramatically as he could, acted like he was trying to get up and fell again, and then, after many attempts and children's laughs, walked away with an over-confident air, only to fall again. 

The kids _loved_ it. His opponent, however, got out a unicycle (where the hell had he kept that?) and expertly cycled to where the kids where sitting, effectively stealing Remus' spotlight. 

There, in front of the kids, he spinned and jumped off (fricking show-off), and bowed deeply. "Hello kiddos", he said, and after that Remus stopped listening. 

He knew that voice. _He knew that voice._

It was a voice that had been in his proximity for fifteen years, in his thoughts for fourteen, and in his heart for what felt like eternity. 

At this point he was happy that Sirius (because it had to be Sirius) had the attention of the audience, because he was stunned. 

Sirius was a clown. He couldn't help but think it made sense. It explained all the times he had left with some flimsy excuse, and the rainblow wig he had spotted at Sirius' place, that Sirius was actually wearing right now. (When Remus had first asked about it, Sirius had said it was for Pride) 

Sirius was making a balloon animal right now, and Remus decided he was allowed to have some fun with this newfound knowledge. He already knew that none of the kids had a fear of sudden, loud, noises, so he went up, took out a needle, and popped the balloon. 

It was amazing. Sirius jumped in the air, a high-pitched scream coming out of his mouth, and fell on his back. 

And although Remus was pretty sure most of it was exaggerated for the sake of the kids, it still felt pretty great. Until he saw Sirius angry gaze, that is. 

He'd forgotten that Sirius didn't know who he was. Sirius would forgive Remus in a heartbeat (and no, not because Sirius liked him, shut up Marlene), but his clown rival? He'd be lucky if he was still standing after this. 

Still, it was fine until Sirius started to do some magic tricks. For a while it took Remus back to their last year in Hogwarts, when Sirius had constantly practised his "magic". 

Sirius had pulled a rabbit out of a hat for Peter, smashed, and then "magically" repaired James watch, and he'd pulled a rose from behind Remus ear. Remus, the sentimental fool, still had it as a pressed flower somewhere (although he would tell you it was for a biology assignment). 

The rose was- When Remus was a child, there was a well behind his house. His father once decided to show him how deep it was, and had encouraged him to throw a stone in it. 

The stone fell down, and Remus hadn't thrown it right, so it clattered against the sides, pulling some new stones with it, only serving to make the well bigger and deeper. If the stone had never fallen he could have kept pretending that the well wasn't that deep. 

His feelings were like that well, and the rose was like that stone. The stone alone would never be enough to fill the well, and only served to make Remus aware of the gaping depth. 

Sirius had learned some new tricks since then, it seemed. Right now he was pulling some unending string of handkerchiefs out of Harry's sleeve, that "accidentally" made Remus trip. 

Remus, not about to just take that, took hold of Sirius fake, red, nose, pulling him down with him. 

They landed in a heap of limbs and wigs, Sirius with angry red lines from where the elastic from his nose had snapped back. 

Sirius' face was suddenly rather close to Remus', and Remus thanked the gods for the make-up that hid his blush. Sirius took one look at how close they were, and immediately laughed it off (he wasn't one to get easily embarassed), and said: "No thanks, I'm saving myself for a different Moony.' 

And-. What. What?? The only Moonies (Moonys?) Sirius knew were Remus, and... Remus. Was he saying what Remus hoped he was saying? 

The only reason that he missed the pie that got thrown at him shortly after was that he was still in shock. He turned around quickly, and saw Sirius grinning mischievously. 

But Remus was a _professional._

What honestly only meant that he had brought his own pie in advance. He doubted he had ever seen anything as satisfying as the way the pieces of cake replaced that smug grin. 

Harry decided then it was a good idea to pick up all the pie he could get his hands on, and to throw it all at the clowns. 

All hell broke loose. Everywhere there were suddenly children screaming, and laughing, and throwing food. 

* * *

James, suddenly hearing all kinds of noise coming from the living room, asked: "Shouldn't we... do something about that?" 

"No, they'll be fine!", Lily said, with the biggest smile she could muster. Regulus nodded vigorously to show their agreement. 

James squinted at them. "Why do I feel like you two know something I don't?" 

"Because we do", Regulus answered. 

"Just trust us on this." Lily added. 

"Fine." 

* * *

Sirius didn't know how, but somehow he found himself in a hurricane filled with children and cake, and somehow he got dropped off somewhere close to Clown Moony. 

Clown Moony was laughing. It had started low, like it came from his toes, but after a while his whole body shook with giggles and his wig bounced on his head with the force of it. 

It was beautiful, and Sirius _knew_ that laugh. 

Sirius went over to him. 

"Moony?" 

Only now did Sirius see that on the cheek without the moon, there were stars. And not some random stars either. It was a constellation, the Canis Major, to be precise. 

One star, called Sirius, was put on in a different shade than the rest. It was the brightest one. 

"Oh", Remus said, one hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck (Sirius wanted to grab his hand), "Hello there, Sirius." 

* * *

"Hello", Sirius said, looking dazed. 

And, well, it was now or never, wasn't it? 

"So, when you said you were saving yourself for another Moony, did you perhaps mean the same Moony?" 

"Mayhaps." They were sitting next to each other on the floor, the kids forgotten for a moment. Sirius moved a little bit closer. 

Remus was now close enough to see the lighter flecks in Sirius eyes. "Would you let this same Moony kiss you?" 

Sirius let out a breathy laugh, "Absolutely", and moved in. 

And moved away, after their noses had met with a loud, greeting, CLACK. 

After they had taken off their respective (fake) noses, they tried again. 

It was undescribable. It was wild, and amazing, and all-consuming, and so, _so_ very Sirius. 

They only parted when they heard the door opening, Remus hands still in Sirius hair (as much as was possible with Sirius wearing a wig and all), Sirius' hands still cupping his cheeks. 

A third clown walked in. This had to be that Bobo clown that had recently started in the neighbourhood. 

The clown looked around, confused, (while the kids hadn't even destroyed anything yet), and said: "Am I in the right place? I can leav-" 

But before he could get any further, Remus and Sirius screamed, perfectly in sync: 

"PETER!??" 


End file.
